


Sinners

by AleAbuela



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE, IZONE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Self-Hatred, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AleAbuela/pseuds/AleAbuela
Summary: Oh sinners come downCome, gather roundOh sinners come nowRich kids trying to live a free life. Shuhua tries to leave the past behind but it always come back to bit her ass.Yuqi just drifted away, it's easier that way.And Minnie prefered to drown in guilt that take any blame, always dancing at dawn.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Sinners

**Author's Note:**

> For this Minnie's chapter and one of the protagonists of this story.   
> I suggest to hear "little lion man" by Mumford and Sons, to understand better her character.  
> I hope you like it, and leave many comments.

> **Sinners**
> 
> **I really fucked up this time, didnt I, my dear?**
> 
> I used to think that the world was mine to conquer. It was an illusion, a childish dream born from an immature soul. And even in the difficult times, I just thought none of it were my fault. It was. It was all of my fault.
> 
> And even today I can’t bring myself to take blame for my actions, only drown in guilt until I can just gasp for air. What a pity my life has become. Too beautiful and not enough at the same time.
> 
> “Minnie, what are you doing?” came the scared voice of Yuqi, while Shuhua was pale as a ghost, she looked ready to puke, I just hope she doesn’t do it in the leather seats of my new shiny sports car.
> 
> “What do you think I am doing?” I pressed the accelerator, with a wicked smile. How foolish I was. Maybe I can get my absent father to cover this mistake, a couple of thousands can get me free of this mess.
> 
> “Mi-mi-nnie” Shuhua stuttered, sometimes I tend to forget that she is only thirteen, a small dumb baby, that only sin is being naïve enough to trust me. “That woman, I think we”
> 
> “Don’t say it” Yuqi pleaded “It was just an accident, nothing happened right, Minnie? Right?”
> 
> I was bored, in those days everything bored me. It was hard for me to feel any thrill, and I think that illness got sick my little cousins.
> 
> “Don’t worry, kids” I uttered, completely bored, as I took a quick look at the rearview mirror. “Nothing is going to happen, Dad can fix this”
> 
> Shuhua began to have difficult to breathe, she seemed to beginning to have a panic attack.
> 
> “What if that woman have children? She just”
> 
> I grew annoyed with each word coming out my youngest cousin mouth. Okay, I did run over a passerby, very violently. I admit didn’t have the patience to wait for the red light turn green. And well, in the night, is easier to ignore the limit speed. So what. But we all heard it. The horrible crunch of bones, they saw the body twist in air, before the wickedly sound of the body collapsing on the asphalt, and Shuhua begged for us to help the poor woman, but in the moment, as we came out of the car, saw all the blood, and parts of brain over the street. My cousins panicked, however, I am too numb to feel anything, to be honest, I can’t even begin to comprehend what really happened. The woman was dead. We could be in jail for it, well , in reality it’s my fault so the one going to jail would be me, maybe my father can help me with it, he has some great friends at the police station. Shuhua and Yuqi were minors, and I just turned eighteen. Just great. Some adventure to drive for the first time my new car, a gift from father, the CEO of some tech company. Just great. He is going to ground me for a whole month, if I have any luck, or maybe, he’ll just be disappointed in me as always and will ignore it. I am not interesting enough for him anyways.
> 
> I heard it again, the sick sound of the bones, and felt a wave of nausea. It’s like a broken record, it’s the only thing I can hear, and the blood rush in my ears. My head is spinning and spinning, I feel in the clouds. It’s weird, I cannot get a hand on what’s happening. Maybe I just should close my eyes and sleep.
> 
> “Minnie, Shuhua cant breathe, please stop” Yuqi seemed desperate. She keeps looking back at our cousin, who is growing paler each second that passes.
> 
> “We just killed a woman” Shuhua kept muttering- and I was annoyed by it.
> 
> “No, we didn’t, it was an accident, maybe she is still alive” I almost shouted, wanting to hit the steering wheels with my trembling hands. Just why I thought it was a good idea to drink tequila this damned night. I was so mad, I wanted to hit them both, hurt them, and then curl into a ball and sleep, but I couldn’t, because both of them were too scared to keep their mouth shut, and I couldn’t afford to make another mistake. Even though, I did. I kept doing mistake after mistake, and there’s no day in my life that those mistakes feel like chains dragging me to the darkness that my life has become.
> 
> “Alright, Yuqi, I’ll stop” and eventually parked my car on the side of the way. Inhaling softly, thought of nothing. My mind was empty, numb. But both of them were still scared. There’s just a way for me to take away the fear of people. It’s the thing I take when I feel pain or feel scared of the ghosts of the family.
> 
> “Guys, relax, nothing bad is going to happen to us, this was just an accident” they both looked at me as if I grew another head, and maybe I did. I opened the glove box of the car, and took a bottle of pills, the strongest ones I have, and a bottle of water. “I know that you are scared, but, I assure that I’ll protect you, guys, after all, I am the oldest one” Lie after lie came out of my mouth. And they blindly believed in me. How foolish I was, at that moment, I just cared for me. I just didn’t love them enough. “Come, take this, it will help you to relax”
> 
> I gave each a white pill. I smiled to encourage them, and they trusted me blindly. It was the beginning of the end. I guess. I try to not think about that moment. Because if I do, I’ll feel the weight of the guilt torment me. I prefer to just ignore it.
> 
> They weren’t the same after that night.
> 
> I wonder if it’s my fault. What do you think? I should have been a better cousin. I should have loved them enough. But I was reckless and careless. And loved nobody, not even me. What do they should expect from me?
> 
> Nothing. I was/am nothing.
> 
> And now back at the present, I can see the consequences. But like I said I am too much of a coward to do something.
> 
> I waited nervously for Yuqi to come out from her classes at college. She is smart enough to do well. And I am proud of her. Even with all her problems she do well in school. I sigh. It’s been a while for us to see each other, she always seem to be too busy for me.
> 
> She appeared looking haggard and tired as always. She seems skinnier than the last time I saw her. Almost six months ago, there are huge dark bags under her eyes, and the hoodie she wears looks too big on her frame. She still smiles when she sees me.
> 
> Don’t do that, please. I ruined your life, how can you be happy to see me.
> 
> Still I will my lips to conjure a small smile in greeting.
> 
> “Hey, Minnie” She shouts with her big voice. And opens the door of my car carelessly.
> 
> “Yuqi” my voice sounds a little tense, and she deflates “I am sorry, but your father ordered me to get you to your doctor’s appointment”
> 
> Yuqi contemplates my words, and sighs, looking at her hands, covered in all kinds of scars, white against white.
> 
> “I am clean, I promise, I have tried, you have to believe me. There’s no need for the doctor”
> 
> I close my eyes for a second, and look over her to study her frame. She avoids my eyes, and scratches her nose.
> 
> “Show me your arms” my voice is cold. And Yuqi stills, cursing under her breath. There is a purple mark at her wrist, like she got hurt by accident, but I know the truth. “what about the other things?”
> 
> Yuqi seemed confused for a moment. But she understood pretty quickly, she is a smart kid after all.
> 
> “I told you, I am clean of that shit” I pointedly stare at her “I swear to God, I haven’t got high in a year, really, the last time” she averted her eyes “It was really bad, so, I left it. But she still does it”
> 
> I clench my jaw, tightly.
> 
> “How is Shuhua by the way?”
> 
> Yuqi seems sad so suddenly, and begins to pick the scars at her hands. Another shock of guilt hits me leaving me breathless.
> 
> “she is trying” Yuqi mutters, still picking at her skin, until it gets red “but it’s hard for her, but I know she is trying”
> 
> “But is like she is trapped” I utter, no longer feeling as careless as that night “It’s like a curse”
> 
> Yuqi looks at me, and nods.
> 
> “But there’s hope, I mean, you left, the hospital and the doctors cured you”
> 
> I wonder if I am really cured. Because I still feel the yearn in my body, I still long for a syringe, to feel the rush in my veins, to get lost in the ecstasy. I long for it like no other. But I try to ignore, I have no right.
> 
> “maybe with the right help shuhua can get cured too”
> 
> I smile at her.
> 
> “maybe, now let’s get to your appointment before it’s late. You need to get cured too”
> 
> And as we drive, I see a glimpse of Shuhua’s loud laughter, as she walks with a group of boys and girls, all of them elegantly and smartly dressed. She laughs the loudest, her eyes dull, and her steps messy, as if in any moment she is going to fall. We lock eyes, and she looks away, choosing to talk with the girl to her left.
> 
> I clench my jaw.
> 
> I guess I deserve it.


End file.
